Build an Altar

It’s been about two months since telling everyone about this new season God is leading me to, and it has been a little bit of a roller coaster. Making this life change has added a whole new thing I need to plan for, work for, and pray for on my already busy schedule, and has definitely come with its challenges. As people found out I increasingly found myself having the same conversations a lot. And honestly I have been absolutely blown away by the amount of love and support I’ve received, and at that from people that don’t even know me that well! It’s truly been so humbling. I’ve had a lot of people ask,

“So how much does this cost?” I say,

“$19,900” Sometimes their response is,

“Girl, you got that, that’s nothing for God” or,

“The Lord has totally got you!” and others will say something more like,

“WOAH, wow, thats a lot, how are you going to get all of that?” or,

“Do you think you’re gonna actually be able to get all of that money?”

And its true, it is a lot of money, but my response is a consistent, “I know God will help me, he always provides for where he calls His children.” All the while constantly praying,

“God thank you for providing. I know you’re going to come through for me.” 

Some days I can say those words with all the confidence within me, other days I say them through clenched teeth, trying to conjure up enough faith to believe them with every fiber of my being. I know he’s providing everything I need, but sometimes I allow looking at the reality of my circumstances to distract me from the God-potential outcome of my circumstances. He’ll spotlight the areas of doubt in me, I build an altar where I’m at and abandon every one of those doubts on it.

I too often find myself in the cycle of thinking, “Praise God! I have $3,000 raised!! That’s a lot!” But then I so quickly compare the $3,000 with the $16,000 I still have left to go, my heart gets discouraged, and that’s where the “Lord, help me. How am I gonna get all this money in time?” Comes in and tries to weaken my faith.
But I build an altar where I’m at. Every doubt, every distrust, every wrong belief belongs there. It’s a discipline of mind and heart. Building something is hard, laying your life down on it is even harder.

Do I need to be real with how much money I need to raise, yes. I can’t ignore the fact that I have a lot of work to do. But to worry while being obedient to the steps the Lord is leading me to take in the process goes against His word, and there should be no room or tolerance for it in the life of a believer. It’s a process of being real with where I’m at, but also being real with God’s desire to come through for me. He has never let me down in anything else, he won’t let me down in this.

The reality of it is that it’s bigger than me. And it should be, because if it wasn’t would I even be dreaming big enough? Would I even have something to trust God with? If I can do it on my own, with my own provision, resources, and strength then it becomes “Look at me” rather than “Look at God.” But when there’s no logical way that I should be able to do this it can only be “Look at God.”

It’s not what I can do to raise this money. It’s what I can do in partnership with the Holy Spirit to raise this money. It’s leaning in and following so close to what he’s calling me to put my hands to in each moment. It’s letting go of trying to control it all, it’s leaving my pride in the ashes. It’s walking in boldness, confidence, and expectancy. He’s always faithful.

I don’t know what you might be believing God for today, but my friend, when doubt comes and you want to give in; build an altar. Abandon your doubt and accept God’s reality.